New year jokes

January can be a very dull month, so here are a few of our favourite new year jokes to cheer you up.

  • A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. 
  • Dear God, my prayer for 2018 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don't mix it up like you did this year. 
  • An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year's Eve. One was charged and the other was let off. 
  • I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year! 
  • Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan

A Bad Dream?
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight , as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'. 

 

Sources: http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/christmas/index_new_year.htm and http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/newyearsjokes.html